Waiting at the Mistwood Lodge

by Luke Provchy

Searing pain shot through my hand, and pictures flashed through my mind. They were pictures of a family. Pictures of a woman, and a small boy. Pictures of me alongside them, and us living happily. I tried to force them aside, and I gripped the doorknob tighter. In response, the pain in my hand intensified, surging through my entire body, and the images only intensified.

I willed them to go away, but they persisted, clawing at the inside of my skull until the headache that it caused was worse than the burning pain inflicted upon me by the damn door. After several more seconds though, both pains became entirely too much. I let go of the handle and stepped away from the wooden door. Immediately, the pain and the visions subsided.

“I don’t get it,” I muttered. “I’m ready. I’m calm. I’m as at peace with this whole damn thing as I can possibly be. So what exactly am I missing?”

The woman who stood beside me frowned, her ponytail of curly brown hair bobbing up and down with each and every movement of her head. “I’m sorry, Ethan,” she sighed. “I just don’t know. Maybe you’re just not ready to move on yet. Are you sure that you’re fully at peace with everything?”

I shrugged. “It’s hard to tell,” I grumbled. “Given that I’m dead, it’s hard to know how much peace I can have to begin with, especially knowing who I’m leaving behind.”

The woman nodded, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll get it soon enough. Maybe you just need more time. I’m sure that you’ll be perfectly capable of moving on when the right time comes.”

“Thanks, Kelly,” I managed to say, frustrated though I was.

“No problem,” she said, offering me the same warm smile that she always did.

All of a sudden, a faint ringing noise could be heard. Though it was distant, I knew what it meant, and so did Kelly. “That’ll be the door,” she said, turning away from the one at the end of the hall, which she and I had been facing moments before. “Can you get that?”
“Me?” I asked quizzically.

“Yes, you,” she said with a reassuring smile. “I have to check on some of the other people back here for a moment. You go see if there’s a newcomer in the lobby and make some conversation. It might do you some good, and could take your mind off this issue here.”

Though I doubted that it would work, and was truly anything but ready to handle whoever had just come in, I managed to blurt out an “alright” before starting down the white corridor lined with doors until I reached the lobby.

Unlike the clinical-feeling hallways and rooms that lay behind me, the lobby was warm and rustic, designed to take on the appearance of a lodge. There was a constant warmth about it, and that put the visitors at ease. This was more valuable than many might think. After all, a stay at the Mistwood Lodge was normally anything but relaxing, and every little bit of relief from that helped. I made my way to the front, trying not to stare at the various people that I passed along the way. I would visit with them on my own time, of course, but for the moment, I had an assignment. 

By the time I managed to reach the front door, the little bronze bell that hung in the doorway was still swaying gently, and one old man stood before me. He was tall (at least six feet tall, I guessed), and was dressed in faded jeans and a blue flannel button-down. His head was bald, save for a few silvery wisps, and all of his features were thin, pale, and wrinkled. Despite his appearance, his dark eyes were ironically bright-shining and clear--a sharp contrast to the confused and glazed-over looks most people wore when they stumbled through the door.

“Welcome, sir,” I said, putting on the warmest smile I could manage. 

“Why, thank you,” he said with a surprisingly calm voice and a curt nod. “Now, where am I, exactly?”

“You’re at the Mistood lodge, sir,” I replied before gesturing to the worn leather sofas that filled the lobby. There were a few open spots that we could make use of. “Would you like to have a seat?”

“I would, thank you,” he stated, walking over to one and seating himself comfortably without any further questioning. As he did, I began to wonder if this might be easier than I thought. If I was lucky, I wouldn’t even have to break the news to him, and Kelly could do so with her professional attitude.

I moved over to join him, sitting a few feet away on the same couch. As for him, he seemed to be inspecting his surroundings, his eyes moving from one place to another with a sort of calculated look that I couldn’t quite grasp. After a few moments, his eyes turned to me, his gaze unwavering. “Be honest with me,” he said, his tone firm and clear. “I’m dead, aren’t I?”

There it was. I wasn’t expecting him to be so direct about it, though. I stayed quiet for a moment, eyes wandering as I tried to scrape together the words to reply. I was prepared for conversation, but this had derailed me entirely.

“It’s alright,” he said, a faint smile spreading on his lips. “You can be honest with me. I’ve been expecting something like this”

Somehow, that made me relax a little. “You were?” I asked, my gaze turning back to him. 

“Yep. A little different than what I’d imagined, of course.”

His constant calm helped me to calm myself further, and I managed a more genuine and heartfelt smile. “Well, in that case, yes, sir, you are. How did you figure it out so quickly?”

“Well, the bullet holes in your chest were a decent clue.” he said, chuckling a bit as he spoke. 

“I guess that would help,” I said, chuckling a little at my own lack of attention as I subconsciously touched the bloodstained wounds that still marked my body and shirt since I first arrived. “You seem very calm about this all, sir. It took me a while just to realize it, and even longer to calm down once I did.”

“Well, you weren’t expecting to die,” he stated, still smiling. “I wasn’t just expecting it though. I was ready for it.”

“I guess most people don’t have a mindset quite like that,” I replied. “You could probably move on without any difficulty then.”

“Move on?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” I answered. “This place isn’t an afterlife. It’s just a place between one life and another. The people who work here do everything they can to help people come to terms with their past and continue into the next life. It’s not exactly a place to stay permanently.”

“I see,” he said, seeming to consider what I told him carefully. “It won’t be a problem if I wait here a while, will it?” he finally asked.

“I suppose not, but if you’ve already accepted your own death and have made peace with your previous life, then you could move on without issue, like I said.”

At that, he just smiled. “No, I’ll wait a while. Someone else will be joining me soon. That’s not me being morbid or dark, by the way. It’s just a fact of my age.”

Glancing down at his left hand, I noticed a well-worn golden ring encircling his ring finger. It wasn’t hard to guess who he was waiting for. At this, my face fell into a more concerned expression, and he picked up on it quickly.

“I’ll ask again,” he said, “it won’t be a problem, right?”

“Well, sir,” I started, “the surrounding area outside is massive. We think it may be infinite. Not only that, but the workers here say that there’s other places like this one that have similar functions. Even if whoever you’re waiting for dies soon, there’s no guarantee that they’ll end up here.”

As I said that, his eyes turned away, and he stared straight ahead with a contemplative gaze. “No, she’ll be here. Bound souls find a way.”

“If you’re sure,” I said, unable to hide the concern in my voice. Kelly had once warned me that the souls that tried to stay too long gradually unraveled, their form degrading into something more mindless and chaotic. I wanted to warn the old man, but something about him was different from everyone else I’d seen come through. This man was a sturdy, clear-minded person. He wouldn’t be falling apart any time soon.

“And what about you?” he asked out of nowhere. “Are you planning to move on, or will you be waiting?”

“I’m trying to move on, though I haven’t had much success. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to come to terms with my old life, and with my death. And if you can’t do that, you can’t move on at all.”

This time, it was his turn to look down at my hand, where he saw a ring on my finger, not unlike the one on his. The main difference was that mine was in better shape, its younger form mirroring my younger hand. His was the sign of a life well-lived, but mine just reminded me of one cut painfully short.

“Are you sure you want to move on?” He asked, bringing his eyes to meet mine once more. “Maybe it’s best that you don’t let some things go.” 

“But everyone here recommends that I try,” I said, staring at my hands. “They say it’s better to keep moving forward, instead of staying here and going crazy.”

“For some people, I might agree,” he said, nodding. “Now, I can’t speak much about death, given that it’s only my first time, but I can say that in my experience with life, sometimes it’s better to cut your losses and just move on. You know, accept what you can’t change. But sometimes, you also find something that you can’t let go of--something you probably shouldn’t. Maybe some things shouldn’t be pushed away, you know?”

“I still don’t know,” I sighed. “Kelly--er, the lady who helped me out when I first got here--said that if you remember your past life fondly, you should move on. She says that the people who loved you in your life would probably want that for you.”

“Well, you tell me,” the old man said. “Do you think of your family fondly?”
“Of course.”

“And do you accept your own death?”

“Yes. Well, I think I do, at least. I can’t really deny it anyhow.”

“And have you been able to move on?”
I went quiet.

“I’m no professional,” he said with a grin after a minute or so of silence, “but I don’t think you should move on.”

“You think I should wait here for my wife? That could take years, she’s still got plenty of time! You said your wife would be coming soon, but mine might still have decades! Would you have been able to wait that long?”

Once again, the old man stared into space, his expression one of fondness, longing, and simple joy. “If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have married her to begin with. I wouldn’t have been worthy of her.”

That stung. I don’t think he intended it, and it was certainly inspirational, but it also stung. It brought images of my own wife flashing through my mind, one by one. I thought of her smile, her hair, her hands, her voice, and her laugh. I had chosen to spend the rest of my life with her. Had that been so horrible that I had to scorch my body over and over again just to try and leave her behind? Whether he knew it or not, the old man was right. I didn’t deserve her.

Time in Mistwood Lodge and in the surrounding expanse doesn’t really exist. There are no days, weeks, or years, and no way to keep track of them. All that anybody has is faulty guesswork. Now, I can’t say for certain how long the old man patiently waited there in the lobby, but it had to have at least been a month. 

Sometimes he’d talk politely with the other people, whether they realized their own demise or not. Sometimes he’d offer some advice for their next life, bidding good luck to those who chose to move on. And sometimes he talked to me, and told me about his wife. Sometimes I even talked about mine. If there was one thing that was certain, it was that he loved her more than any words I could try to use would ever be able to describe. Even in old age, she was the single most beautiful thing to him, and I could tell that he couldn’t wait to see her again.

In almost every moment that I spent there, unable to move on, his words about her and about his beliefs as a whole stuck with me. “I don’t think you should move on,” he had said, and I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Despite Kelly’s whole-hearted encouragement for me to keep trying, I started to wonder just how much the old man had been right about. Maybe it was best not to let go of some things.

Then, one moment, an elderly lady came through the front door with a ring of that little bronze bell. I didn’t recognize her as anyone in particular, but the old man did. The instant he saw her, he was out of his seat and right by the door, pulling her into an embrace which she eagerly returned. In that moment, all time spent waiting was erased, and they simply held one another.

Kelly came and talked to them for a moment, and even though they were both dead, neither were scared. Even the wife, new though she was to Mistwood Lodge, accepted her own passing quickly, merely happy to see her husband again. When Kelly began to discuss moving on, they both simply smiled and nodded, knowing that their journey was coming to a close. 

After a few minutes more of talking, the old man took his wife by the hand, and Kelly led them out of the lobby and into the hall. As they left, the man turned back to look at me for a brief moment and smiled. I smiled back. I considered slipping into the hall to watch them leave. I knew for a fact that they’d pass through that door and move on without any issue now. A part of me, however, decided not to intrude. That was their moment. For all either of them really truly knew, I was a stranger, and had no business intruding. Besides, I had my own thoughts to work out.

Minutes later still, and Kelly re-emerged into the lobby, wiping a tear from her eye as she often did when someone moved on successfully. She looked at me, her smile as warm as ever. “It’s done,” she said with joy in her voice. 

“They moved on without any problem?” I asked, knowing the answer would be yes.

“They did,” she said, still beaming. “People like that are a rare sight to see, you know.”

“Yeah,” I said, a happy smile spreading on my own face as well. Tears were beginning to blur my vision as everything the man had said looped in my head over and over again. “I know.”

“Will you be doing the same soon?” Kelly asked, putting a hand on my shoulder once more. “It seems like talking with that man really did put you at ease quite a bit. Did he give you advice?”
“He did,” I said with a nod, wiping my eyes to keep the tears from flowing freely.

“I bet you could move on now too,” she said. “I think he helped you a lot.”

I thought about it for a minute. It was tempting, and the idea of a fresh start with whatever awaited in the next life had its allure. But there would be time for that later. There was someone I needed to see first. 

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Not yet.”

Unlike the old man, I hadn’t been expecting to die. No matter which way I looked at it, I never had his peace of mind. Even so, my need to see the love of my life again was probably almost as strong as his had been. If the old man was really right, she’d be here. Bound souls find a way, as he said. Until I could see her again, I would not be moving on.

I took a seat in the lobby, and there I sat, looking forward to the day I’d see her again. I held onto every memory of her, and pictured her face every second that I could. I wondered how much she would change. I wondered if I’d be able to know her when I saw her, just as the old man had. I held onto every memory and image of her that I could, and even in the moments when I felt like I was slowly tearing apart, that was what kept me whole.

I talked with many of the people who came and went. I saw a lot of people move on, and I saw some others snap and flee into the expanse beyond the lodge. I said goodbye to some of the staff. I embraced Kelly, and we both cried as I said goodbye to her. Even after much waiting, she was replaced by newer staff, and she was allowed rest beyond the door.

My rest wouldn’t be for years still after that, at least, if my guess is correct. My rest came on the day that an old woman confusedly stumbled through the door. I knew it in a heartbeat. I rushed to greet her, and despite her confusion, she recognized me too.

“You got old, Alaina,” I said, tears in my eyes as I brushed aside her silvery hair to see hers. Despite her age, they were as beautiful as ever.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Ethan,” she said, frail arms clutching mine as she began to understand where she was. “Sorry I took so long.”

“I’m sorry I left so soon,” I said, kissing her forehead just like I had once done.

I cried harder than at that moment I ever had in my past life. After many, many moments together, and many more tears, I took her by the hand, and led her to the hall. Crystal, the new lady in charge, explained to Alaina how we would move on, and she nodded, holding my arm the whole time.

Once we were ready, we made our way to the end of the hall, fingers interwoven. I reached for the doorknob. This time, I was ready. It was warm to the touch, but not painful. I turned it, and it opened easily. Together we stepped through, and the door shut behind us.

“Thank you for waiting, Ethan,” she said softly as darkness surrounded us.

“Of course. I’m sorry I ever considered otherwise.”

I held tightly to her hand, and she to mine, until the moment that she vanished, and everything faded away, only to begin anew.